I had a certain picture in my mind of how his special day would play out. It was my vision, not his, and when it came crashing down around me, I finally realized that.
Plus, the woman at the bakery said it as I gushed about how good the chocolate truffle cake I was purchasing tasted.
“Is it for him or for you?” she asked. For me, I realized. I was the one who’d wanted the rich, delicious, decadent chocolate cake for his birthday Adam was ecstatic over the cheese balls and flavored candy sugar that he’d picked out for himself. He wasn’t expecting these treats that I thought they were cheap and nasty but let him get them because it was his birthday and he appreciated them thoroughly. Even now as I write, he’s drinking the rest of the blue sports drink that he’d gotten as well.
“Delicious. Thank you for buying that. I love you too.” He said out of nowhere. I can’t make this stuff up.
But yesterday, even as he danced around slurping up the sugar that he called his “medicine”, it wasn’t good enough for me. It wasn’t what I’d wanted or expected. My irritation grew and grew and instead of enjoying his day with him, I found myself with a high temper and a short rope.
I was the one trying so hard to make his birthday a happy one, that I got in my own way. I was yelling at him when I wanted to be laughing with him. Luckily, our children are always forgiving us. So even though it was his birthday, I was the one getting the gift. He was teaching me to appreciate and to throw expectations out the window.
I’m tempted to feel guilty about my poor behavior yesterday but I know that’s not going to make anything better unless it’s accompanied by positive actions. The more you know, the more you grow, so I’m putting this work away to go play.